{what’s the point? i wondered}

I was reading some of my poems from NaPoWriMo 2013 recently (for reasons I’ll share some other time) when I came across one that I had shared with my ex. I had written it before we met but, as we started our relationship, I became convinced that I had written it for him and me…except that I wasn’t really convinced about that. I wanted it to be true. But it wasn’t. So I lied to myself. I thought he was the perfect guy for me and I truly loved him and I wanted him to be the one (even though I knew early on that he wasn’t but I persisted anyway–goddamn hope). He wasn’t.

So then…what’s the point of all this? I wondered. Why did we go through all that stuff we went through if it was going to end in nothingness? And I gradually began to realise…the point is sometimes made very subtly.

Every relationship you enter, every person you allow into your heart changes you in some way, changes your life in some way. Maybe you become conscious of this, maybe you don’t see it, but it happens. And, in case you were wondering, this–THIS is what makes that relationship important and meaningful and worth all that time and energy you poured into it. Even if it didn’t work out, it changed you and you are not the same anymore. There has been a shift in your universe, imperceptible perhaps, but a shift nonetheless, and somehow you are on a slightly different path than before and maybe this slight difference is leading to a destination so far from the one you were en route to before you met this person or entered that relationship.

It was a crash. Someone crashed into you and it changed the direction you were moving in.

It’s time for your next adventure.