I woke up, looked at the time, decided to snooze for a few minutes. I thought of a conversation I had with a friend the day before, I thought of a café…and I was there. I wasn’t asleep and I wasn’t awake. I drifted into a land which wasn’t quite dreamland and wasn’t quite consciousness. It was somewhere in between those two realms.
I was walking towards the café to meet my friend and she comes outside to get me. She looks nothing like she does in real life. In the…dream (?) her hair was light red, very long, tied back in a ponytail. I go in and then she looks like her real life self. Her eldest daughter is in there too. We’re waiting in line to place our order for a coffee. We’re talking about a vanilla-flavoured coffee and the girl behind the counter comments that it would be a medium-colored drink. I think to myself that it would probably be lighter in colour because it’s vanilla, but I say nothing. I notice that everyone in front of me and behind me is ready with their orders, they know exactly what they want. I somehow skip the first girl, the one taking the orders and get to the girl who’s making the drinks. “What do you want, butter?” she says to me. I look up at their menu to see if there’s a drink on it that has “butter” in its name. Then I realise she was using that term for me. I feel this great pressure, like I have to decide right then, everyone else knew exactly what they wanted to get, I needed to know too! I look at the girl. I say, “I don’t know.” A huge wave of relief washes over me. I feel lighter.
I woke up fully after this. Sometimes you don’t know exactly what you want. People can ask you as often as they like if you have it all figured out. People can make you feel pressured into making rash decisions and they may not be best for you. We don’t have all the answers all the time. What a relief it was to be able to say “I don’t know.” Sometimes you just don’t know. And there’s nothing wrong with that.