Sometimes people won’t or don’t react the way we want them to, or the way we need them to or expect them to. We feel they don’t care enough or don’t love the way others like them do. We feel they don’t give us the attention we deserve or need or want or expect. We feel they could be better and better and we try to better them so we can have a perfect relationship with them so we won’t be left wanting more from it.
Looking outwards all the time, we’re trying so hard to make them change to fit the mold we’ve created for them that we stop attempting to adapt to them, to their idiosynracies, to their flaws. Little tweaks are needed here and there, little shifts in our perspective. Maybe we’ll never succeed in changing theirs and so we have only ours to work with. Maybe we feel we have given it our all. Maybe we feel it’s time for some returns. But look out for those special moments which will make us forget about that balance sheet we’re maintaining in our heads.
Maybe it does depend on how much they matter to us instead of the other way around. If their value in our life isn’t worth measuring why won’t we just let go of them? If they don’t enrich our lives, why are we keeping them around? Would their absence feel like a gaping abyss or would it be a mere pinprick? Do they frustrate and irritate us more often than they bring us joy, laughter and cheer? We argue with them and pick quarrels so they’ll see our point of view and give us the love or the care or the attention or the understanding that we’re looking for…from them.
Then in a moment of kindness and clarity, we see something new and soften and find that unknown gentle shift we needed. The obvious stands out; imperfection and flaws are undeniable traits belonging to us and to those at whom we point with just as blame-worthy fingers.
We look at their faces shining in the dark and see that if they’re really important to us, we love them anyway because maybe they just don’t know any better and maybe they’ll learn along the way. Or maybe they won’t, but we’ll learn to let go of the bigger issues and the expectations because it’s the little things that matter. It’s in the trivial, insignificant actions which we fail to notice that we can see little clues, concealed within, which tell us how much we really matter to them. And so we notice these unintentional, hidden messages, subliminal, smile to ourselves and continue to love.