No More Masquerade

This Saturday I thought I’d do dinner with a friend. A male friend. The problem with some male friends is that they don’t seem to understand the meaning of the word “friend” and they don’t seem to want to respect that relationship. Unfortunately for me, I learned that a little late. You see, when a girl knows that a guy has feelings for her and cannot shake them, she should keep her distance from him. Otherwise tricky situations can erupt.

I discovered that there are guys who on the surface say that they want to be friends even if you aren’t romantically interested in them but don’t understand what being a friend means. I wish I’d firmly enlightened them: It means that you do not try to kiss the girl who just wants to be friends with you. It means that when you ask for a hug goodbye and she obliges, you do not hold on to her, pressing her into you. At such moments, again, you do not try to kiss said girl. You do not try to hold hands with her. You do not try to behave in such a way, in public, that makes people think you’re her boyfriend. If someone implies that she’s your girlfriend, you correct them. You do not move in for a kiss every time you’re together. And last but not the least, you, of all people, you do not criticise the guy she’s seeing or her relationship with him. You, Pseudo-Friend, do not have the right to do that.

Here’s what else you don’t have the right to do: Get drunk at her place on an entire bottle of rum and make a move on her. Talk about her behind her back like a little coward. Refuse to accept the fact that she doesn’t find you attractive and isn’t attracted to you. Pursuant to this, continue to disrespect her wishes to remain a mere friend, then take advantage of the fact that she spares your feelings and doesn’t swiftly end your friendship. Try to stop her from seeing a guy she actually likes. Try to get in the way of her relationship. Tell her she should spend on dinner with you, but not on meeting that other guy. Refuse to acknowledge the enormity of your mistake and the repercussions that follow. Justify your irrational behaviour to common friends, leaving out the parts where you messed up.

I’m sorry, but how are you supposed to feel attracted to a guy who only praises your superficial qualities, making it abundantly clear that that’s the reason he wants to be with you? How do you like a guy who isn’t the least bit interested in your interests, your passions and your life? Or, a guy who tells you he’s taking you out for dinner and only when the bill shows up does he tell you that you’re paying for yourself? No, more importantly, how does a guy expect you to feel attracted to him or to like him given these points, especially when there’s no physical attraction either, and then refuse to understand it?

This Saturday I learned that I was fooling myself, giving Pseudo-Friend the benefit of the doubt, thinking he’ll finally learn, he’ll finally accept it and be just a friend. I should have learned this lesson a while ago, but I ignored the track record he’d created. I ignored the fact that he did not respect the friendship and did not want to preserve it. I didn’t realise that some people don’t learn from nice firmness. Some people require harsher treatment. Don’t let them get you to a point where you’re seething with rage. They aren’t even worth that anger. Calm down, take a breather. It was time to part ways long ago. Better late than never.

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