And so, you realise, there’s this grain in the wood you’re built with and you mustn’t go against it. No matter how many lessons you learn and no matter how much stronger you are, your insides remain the same. That core you’ve built, it’s made up of every obstacle you’ve crossed, every hurdle you’ve jumped over, every relationship which has made you laugh and broken your heart and every person who has ever touched your life, your heart, your mind and your smile. You learned from each experience. You took something away from it all. You’re a little wiser. You’re more aware of the decisions which are right for you and wrong ones. You’re able to distinguish sensible courses of action from dazed following of the emotions. You make smarter choices. You know it. But your inherent nature remained the same. That didn’t change and so you are caught off-guard when a situation which resonates with that part of you presents itself. You refuse to even understand it and so it confuses you terribly. But I know it’s the right choice. It makes sense. This is good for me. Why am I so damn upset? You’ve learned and you’re learning, but maybe something will not change. You want to do the most sensible thing, with good reason, you know that’s the easiest way to live safely. But then you give in to yourself, your truest self. Maybe you realise there was a person you had let in, and the space occupied was never emptied. Maybe it will never be, and that will be the chink in your armour. Maybe, you realise, you’re a believer in the improbable and maybe you always will be. But listen, take heed, remember, be yourself, do what gives you peace and contentment. You make a decision and it bothers you and upsets you, think; maybe something’s wrong. Maybe you’re not being you. Maybe you have to accept who you truly are. You are much stronger, you have learned a lot, you are plenty wiser, but maybe you will always take those risks you want to believe in, maybe you will always want to know you did not give up in the presence of the last shred of hope and maybe, because of that, you will feel pain again. But you will know that you lived your life your way and you learned from your own experiences and you left no stone unturned. It made you happy and you are happy now and so it was worth it.