Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to honour Mr. Busy by awarding him the Busiest Person in the World trophy! But, first, an introduction is in order!
Mr. Busy, dear folks, is always terribly occupied. He has no time to spare for you. He is, somehow, able to carry on conversations via the newfangled text messaging technology for hours at a stretch, but he will not make a phone call enabling you to hear his voice and its tone; he’s too busy for it, of course! What did you think? And if you ask him to meet you in person, he will not have the time for it. You can–Oh, it looks like the lovely lady there has a question. No, my dear, he isn’t in the hospital with every bone in his body, besides his thumbs, broken. Why do you ask?
Another question, sir? Why, no, he isn’t running a country. No, not an empire either. Don’t you think that a strange question, sir? Ah, I see and I do apologise: I don’t know of another reason on par with that one. Let’s see…perhaps if he were the CEO of a billion-dollar multinational corporation? No, he isn’t; I’m only hypothesising, really, but, if I were to hazard a guess, I’d suppose many of us present here would be significantly more inclined to accept reasons of that sort as opposed to the ones he currently offers us.
What, then, keeps him so busy? I’ll be damned if I know. Perhaps his reasons are so esoteric he assumes our brains, not equaling the obvious greatness of his, will be unable to comprehend them. I do, if I may share this with you, have a sneaky suspicion that he is not aware of his reasons either, that they are, in fact, invalid and that he is aware of that. Please do not quote me as saying so on this remarkably special, joyous occasion; I stress that it is merely a suspicion. Do note that the urban legend which is about to follow will demonstrate his mind’s singular moment of crystal clear clarity.
Yes, ma’am, you’re right; he did tell that girl he badly wants to be with her and then proceeded to inform her that in the immediately following next few weeks he had no time whatsoever to see her. Well, he said he was busy with, uh, other things. I’m sure he did think she would believe him. Why else would he attempt to tell her that? Please, ma’am, do not rouse the crowd: It would be conjecture on our part to say that he thinks of our minds as feeble and devoid of all logic. And, besides, this is an award-giving ceremony held solely for him, in his honour and all that, you know.
No more questions, miss; that was the last. If you’ve met him, you know it’s almost impossible to elicit from him a reasonable response to that question of the reasons he appears to be so busy and, hence, most deserving of this award. But, wait–I forget that you probably haven’t met him because, well, he has no time. It is only he who could explain it best and so we will never know. I have heard an urban legend, and do stop me if you’ve already heard this: He did tell somebody once that if he wanted to make time he would make it, but simply doesn’t wish to. He appears to have added that if he thought something was important, he would carve out several moments of his occupied hours for it. No one else has ever heard this repeated and if you texted him to confirm this story–for that is the only means of communication with him–, he may deny it. It was such a long time ago and, you see, he is a very busy person. He does not have time to remember everything he says.
Once in a while, when he has a rare extra moment to spare, he will honour you with his gracious presence. If you will look at the timing of that moment, you will probably either find it linked to some other event or a hitherto hidden point on his agenda will reveal itself. It’s very cleverly done, and I’m sure the wonderful audience will agree that Mr. Busy deserves a round of applause for it.
If you have welcomed him into your life, you must prepare yourself for an onslaught of excus–er, reasons for the lack of his physical presence. Even if he has told you explicitly that he wants to see you and would like you both to be at the same physical spot at the same point in time, you simply must prepare to accept the complexity of his calendar or day planner which inexplicably allows him to schedule engagements with several other people but shows every time-slot filled to the brim when searching for a vacant spot to pencil your name in. Please pardon my insolence when I remind you that, in such moments, you would do well to remember the urban legend.
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I’d like to present to you…Mr. Busy! Unfortunately, Mr. Busy wasn’t and won’t ever be able to make time to be here. Kindly excuse his extended absence. Won’t someone accept this award on his behalf? You can take it home with you; he won’t have the time to proudly place it on his mantelpiece. He’s too busy for such drudgery.