What, I ask myself, is going on? Have I turned into an insomniac? Why, after having slept only 3 hours the night before, can I not sleep the next night?
I didn’t have coffee today, I swear. I’m very well aware of what it does to me. Nothing to blame this sleeplessness on. Why am I lying awake in bed trying, in vain, to fall asleep?
Can’t wait for it to be morning. The weather report says it’s going to rain…nay, pour! Thunderstorms! Shall I wear my red boots? Let me think of all the ways I can enjoy a rainy day.
What?! The thoughts take me by surprise. I hate rain! But here I am, waiting to wake up before I’ve even fallen asleep. Planning the next day when this one hasn’t ended yet.
…brunch at that cozy little restaurant, then the library, then perhaps grocery shopping… Want to wake up early too, let’s say 6:00 am. The alarm will go off anyway.
That’s a good plan, actually. But the alarm can be switched off. Or I’ll sleep through it.
I know I’ll wake up at 6…maybe 7. If I don’t fall asleep right this minute, I’ll wake up much later and fret, for half the Sunday will have passed me by while I was in bed.
Why is my heart beating so fast? Can’t it calm down so I can fall asleep?!
Where’s that strange light outside coming from? Get up, walk around, drink some water.
Ok, what else am I going to do tomorrow? My brain needs an ‘off’ button.
What about Monday? Let’s finish what’s on that to-do list. Let’s not. Let’s try to stop thinking.
Hmmm, what’s new on Facebook? Probably nothing since I just checked a minute ago, but let’s find out. No. Let’s not, goddammit!
I could try counting sheep, but I think of the most inane details: Are the sheep just standing in a field or jumping over a fence? If they’re just hanging about, I’m going to get confused and lose count. If they’re jumping, how high is the fence? How much higher will the sheep jump? How far on the other side will they land? What does the parabola traced by their jump look like? Livestock are clearly not my best sleeping aid.
I put my cellphone away so I stop browsing the web on it. I realise I can’t wait for the next day so I can do all these things I’m thinking of. I can’t wait for it to be morning so I can start making sure I enjoy the day exactly the way I want to. This is new to me. It’s an obsession of a different kind and I hope it fades tonight. I really need some z’s. It’s all very well to be excited about life and all that, but, for God’s sake, I’ve simply got to get some sleep too! First, though, I must crawl out of bed and write a little, maybe then I’ll fall asleep easily…