Soliloquy of an Insomniac

What, I ask myself, is going on? Have I turned into an insomniac? Why, after having slept only 3 hours the night before, can I not sleep the next night? 

I didn’t have coffee today, I swear. I’m very well aware of what it does to me. Nothing to blame this sleeplessness on. Why am I lying awake in bed trying, in vain, to fall asleep?

Can’t wait for it to be morning. The weather report says it’s going to rain…nay, pour! Thunderstorms! Shall I wear my red boots? Let me think of all the ways I can enjoy a rainy day.

What?! The thoughts take me by surprise. I hate rain! But here I am, waiting to wake up before I’ve even fallen asleep. Planning the next day when this one hasn’t ended yet.

…brunch at that cozy little restaurant, then the library, then perhaps grocery shopping… Want to wake up early too, let’s say 6:00 am. The alarm will go off anyway. 

That’s a good plan, actually. But the alarm can be switched off. Or I’ll sleep through it.

I know I’ll wake up at 6…maybe 7. If I don’t fall asleep right this minute, I’ll wake up much later and fret, for half the Sunday will have passed me by while I was in bed.

Why is my heart beating so fast? Can’t it calm down so I can fall asleep?!

Where’s that strange light outside coming from? Get up, walk around, drink some water.

Ok, what else am I going to do tomorrow? My brain needs an ‘off’ button.

What about Monday? Let’s finish what’s on that to-do list. Let’s not. Let’s try to stop thinking.

Hmmm, what’s new on Facebook? Probably nothing since I just checked a minute ago, but let’s find out. No. Let’s not, goddammit!

I could try counting sheep, but I think of the most inane details: Are the sheep just standing in a field or jumping over a fence? If they’re just hanging about, I’m going to get  confused and lose count. If they’re jumping, how high is the fence? How much higher will the sheep jump? How far on the other side will they land? What does the parabola traced by their jump look like? Livestock are clearly not my best sleeping aid.

I put my cellphone away so I stop browsing the web on it. I realise I can’t wait for the next day so I can do all these things I’m thinking of. I can’t wait for it to be morning so I can start making sure I enjoy the day exactly the way I want to. This is new to me. It’s an obsession of a different kind and I hope it fades tonight. I really need some z’s. It’s all very well to be excited about life and all that, but, for God’s sake, I’ve simply got to get some sleep too! First, though, I must crawl out of bed and write a little, maybe then I’ll fall asleep easily…

8 thoughts on “Soliloquy of an Insomniac

      1. Thank you for posting! I would recommend literally focusing on each part of your body and consciously relaxing one part at a time. Start with your brow and work your way down… By the time that I’ve gotten to the fingers on my 2nd arm I’m zzzing away! Let me know if this helps.

        1. I will try that and let you know if it works. Chances are I’ll focus too much on that and my mind will suddenly be abuzz with thoughts like “Omg, am I finally about to doze off right now?” I will still give it a shot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

  1. Lord, what a post!

    You know, this would be funny if I wasn’t having the same problem of late. Working late nights for a longish stretch now has turned my body clock to US EDT for sure; if you pluck me from here and plant me in New York, I’d feel absolutely no jet-lag! Quite a pain it is, when I just cannot sleep, no number of push-ups and crunches in the dead of night tires me out enough to make me sleepy… I mean, even the usually fool-proof “read a client’s annual report” method has fallen flat on its face. And I dare not count livestock – whenever I do, I start thinking of new and innovative recipes…and in a short time, subsequently find myself back on the comp, keying away on AwesomeCuisine.com or some such! And I don’t even have the liberty of planning the next day when my boss has already decided it for me :(

    In short, this is a major bloody problem, but here’s hoping it gets sorted soon. I hope you get those much-needed Z’s!

    1. Tell me about it. I think I’m on some Euro time zone and maybe that means I should travel and make the most of this body-clock setting.

      You have to find some way to relax the mind, calm it down and put it to sleep…and then do your best to avoid the late nights. Easier said than done, I know. The fact recipes come to your mind when you think of livestock is hilarious! Thank goodness I don’t suffer like that. Hahah. Sorry for laughing at it like that…it’s just funny.

      If I didn’t find my work so engrossing, I’d try doing that to fall asleep, but perhaps I should just keep some academic books around for that purpose. Ever tried that? Might work. If you give that a shot, let me know if it works for you, and I’ll keep you posted too. ;)

  2. (S)he who laughs, lasts, so laugh away!! :D though you’re right about the travelling bit… my kid cousin’s been calling me to Houston for some time, as has a girl friend in NY, so might as well make the trip, what ho?

    As for me, I’m still trying to figure out what I can do to get myself to sleep. Nothing seems to be working, not even academic books (strike one). Will definitely let you know if I hit upon some scheme!! :P

    1. Perfect! See, there is some method to the madness, after all!

      I, to fall asleep on Monday night, have strategically stayed up all of Sunday night. I’ll let you know if that trick works. If not, some leaping-lamb chops may be in order.

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