Broken

This is one I’d written and saved a few years ago when I went through a particularly devastating break-up. It was written for personal emotional release, but I shared it with a few friends who were going through something similar that year and it seemed to hit home for them too, so I thought it deserved a spot here.

A relationship has ended. It’s the death of a relationship. A relationship with someone for whom you had a lot of love and affection. All couples fight, don’t they? Does it mean they don’t love each other or that they never did? Of course not. So when a relationship ends, it’s only natural to feel grief. Cry your eyes, heart and soul out. It’s okay to do that. It is, after all, a loss. The loss of someone you spent years with. You talked to this person every day. Every single day of your life for the last few years. Maybe you lived together. You spent time, love and affection on him. He did too, make no mistake about that. But sometimes these things just run their course. It reaches a dead-end, maybe a place you’ve been to many, many times before. But if it’s not broken, don’t fix it, right? So you just turned around without trying to find another route, not knowing that you were fated to come back there again. Because you didn’t change anything. By you, I mean both the people that formed the relationship. It’s rarely, if ever, just one person’s fault. You both have good and bad qualities. Don’t idealise him or yourself and don’t do the opposite either. But accept it for what it is: The End…of one chapter of your life. It isn’t the end of the world. Think about it, haven’t you been through tough, maybe even tougher situations than this before? You’ve made it through all that, right? You’ll make it through this too. You’re stronger than you realize. Crying does not make you weak. It feels good, doesn’t it? I suggest you cry as much as you want to until you can’t cry anymore. Just make sure you keep eating and showering between those crying sessions. If you can have friends come over, all the better. Analyze every little detail with them until you cannot go any deeper or until you don’t care. If you are by yourself, do the same on your own; you’ll only emerge from it stronger. I know dealing with the breakup is difficult. Did someone tell you it wasn’t going to be? They lied. It’s not easy at all. Some days you will be fine, other days you will feel like you’re in an emotional abyss. Some days you will feel like everything will be okay and some days you will come home and collapse into a heap of tears as soon as you walk in the door. Just know that you are strong and that this feeling of doom will pass.

New edit, for there are some who need this addendum: Don’t make any contact with the other person…at least for a while, until you’re emotionally ready to move on completely. If you feel your resolve weakening, think about the reasons for the end. Reaching out to them will not help, whether you’re emotionally dependent on them or you want to knock them to the same level of despair as you. You have to break away and make a clean cut. At some point, if you try really hard and if both parties are ready, you may be able to become friends. Until then, keep safe distance. Contrary to others’ opinions, hurting them will not–can not–make you feel better in the long run because you aren’t an inherently malicious person. Are you?

*Featured image on front page is an old one from Postsecret

10 thoughts on “Broken

  1. You are right. Accept, forgive and move on. It’s not only you but the other also that is hurting. Trying to hurt them is not going to help either; and remember, it’s going to be worse for the person who’s trying to hurt, because the other person has moved on. So keep the good memories, believe in yourself, trust that you did the right thing and be happy.

    1. It will be worse for the person trying to hurt because that is not where strength to accept the end or strength to move on comes from. One cannot find strength in another person’s downfall. It isn’t possible. I mean–and this may not be the best analogy–if two people are standing on two separate rickety bridges, each hanging on by a thread and one of them falls, does that mean the other person’s bridge is now stronger and that the other one will not fall anymore? But the more one tries to make the other fall, the more that person sways and the closer they bring themselves to that end. We have to move on without the other and find our own way and means to safety and sanity. It can be a torturous process but, as mentioned, one can only emerge from it stronger.

  2. I know, it’s not the end of the world. I know, I’ll get over it. I know, I tried all I could to keep the relationship alive because I believed in it. I know, it’s okay to cry a bit, even though I’m a guy. I know, the alcohol-induced forgetting sessions will probably do more harm than good, and I’ll stop that too. I know, there’s more to look forward to in life. I know, if she wasn’t willing to put her heart into making things work, it’s probably because it wasn’t worth it for her, and Lord knows I wouldn’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to. We had our times, both good and bad. We lived and loved and learnt. But that damn pain sure feels like being stabbed in the heart with a hot blade! But then I guess that’s the wonder of being a human being. In the end, no matter what happens, we survive!

    1. That’s what’s important…that you survived it. You know you’ve done your best and you couldn’t have done any more, so you will have no regrets at the end, no matter what the outcome is. In those moments of apparent defeat it does feel like it’s the end of the world, and you cannot imagine that the feeling will pass, but it does and you’re still alive and kicking…just a little bit wiser and perhaps a bit more cynical, and all for the better.

  3. :) well, they say that fools rush in where angels fear to tread… but love is usually about being the damn fool who’d do anything for the one he or she loves, and yes, I love being the fool too! It does hurt when something so good comes crashing down, but you’re completely right about coming out a little bit wiser, and a little bit more cynical – and I’d like to add one more thing here: It makes you a whole lot tougher too. It did that to me, and that’s not a bad thing at all!

    1. It really does make you stronger, you’re very right about that. I used to enjoy that crazy feeling of being in “love” too, until I got tired of letting another person’s actions upset me. I mean, it’s the equivalent of leaving my happiness at the mercy of their whims. I cannot control another person’s behaviour, only mine, so I would rather not let myself be subject to that disappointment of being let down anymore. That’s another thing that comes from going through enough of these experiences too ;) I’m very glad to see that you do enjoy both sides of the coin and that you know it and accept it; that can always make a huge difference.

  4. Hahah! I know what you mean :) this is one thing I have to thank the world for…it’s given me the kind of experiences that make me tougher than I thought I could be, I suppose – and especially with regard to falling in and out of love!! Though I do think sometimes my propensity to keep going when everything seems to tell me to leave it be, is my tragic flaw! But then, all said and done, nothing really beats being in love! (Yeah, I’m hopeless!)

    1. I wouldn’t say you’re hopeless, I’d just call you optimistic. Then again having great examples to show you the possibilities that exist play a key role in that optimism too.

your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s