We Were.

Dear X,

I used to think about you a lot. I used to wonder what it would be like if we hadn’t broken up. I wondered if we’d still be happy together or if we would’ve broken up somewhere in between anyway. Our relationship was a little strange. We weren’t ever right for each other. We both wanted such different things but we both thought it would still work. Well, that’s what I thought, at least. It’s amazing how much insight we can gain in just a few years. If only I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have wondered for so long. I wouldn’t have reminisced so often.

We were foolish. We both said “I love you”. Did you mean it? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. I’ve learned how to not let that haunt me. I’ve finally learned how to leave it all behind. I just had to realise that we made a mistake. Maybe it was never meant to last any longer. We had some good times when we were together and I’ve even learned how not to smile when I think of them. I’ve almost forgotten the bad times. But it doesn’t matter anymore whether I remember or not.

I am happy now so I don’t think about whether I would have been happy with you. It’s immaterial. I’m content with my life now so I don’t wonder whether you would have enriched it in any way. I don’t care enough to want to devote any time to thinking about it. I do all the things I like and I don’t wonder whether you would have liked that play too or loved this song too. I enjoy it and that’s enough for me.

I recently realised that I’ve now let go of all of you. You don’t have my affections anymore. I’ve taken back every single piece of my heart. None of it is held hostage by you and it’s whole again. I feel liberated and I couldn’t be happier.

P.S. I don’t love you anymore.

8 thoughts on “We Were.

  1. How easy it is write in a Post Script -‘I don’t love you any more’. More difficult to do. If there was love earlier.

    Let us check the premises — was there love in the first place? How do we define love and what it means to us (I know it means different to each individual).
    Sid

    1. It is easy to write that, indeed! Once you mean it, it is. You cannot force yourself to stop loving someone. It’s a matter of accepting your feelings for what they are, or aren’t. But that is not an easy thing to do. Ask the whys of it all. Look for the reasons.
      The word love is used here for its meaning as a feeling of great affection and fondness and that is what many have related it to upon reading it. Those feelings can fade…over time or due to certain deeds. I have finally come to the realisation that mine did and that has set me free.
      One must certainly check one’s premises when encountering a contradiction, but I don’t find one here.

  2. There is indeed a contradiction.
    One can not just “un-love” or un-freind”..
    I accept that the feelings can fade with time, however if in the first place there was true love (like true friendship), then those feelings (or friendship) can never go away.
    True love is all encompassing, all forgiving and all accepting.
    So the premise to be checked is what was exactly the feeling earlier. Was it true love or something else?
    Thank you.

    1. I don’t believe love lasts forever. I believe people change and thus, so do feelings. Nothing is permanent, even we ourselves are ever-evolving. Perhaps you must reflect more deeply upon this. If you think love must never fade, I can’t help but wonder how difficult it must be for you to let go of the past.

      What does one mean by true love? Does it not depend on the object of one’s affection? If the person one loves were to change drastically for the worse, would it not affect the so-called “true love”. Does one continue to love somebody for what they once were? That is exactly the same as not letting go. Love is love. It isn’t true or false, true or untrue. Once we establish that, then by saying that love is only that feeling which lasts forever one is, in effect, saying that any and every person one does not love today one did not ever love.

      1. I am just giving my philosophy.
        I still believe that love lasts forever, if there was true love in the first place. That is my premise.

        And yes — you are correct. It is very very difficult for me letting go.
        However, as you say, people change, and one has to accept it.
        So if it is in the best interest of the person one loves, to let go, then one has to let go of the relationship. Not the love. This again is my belief.
        Sid

        1. You had mentioned that skydiving taught you to let go. Maybe you must draw on that and reflect on it again.

          As for love lasting forever, think of the reasons for love and you will realise the contradictions that abound in that. But remember you have to be extremely honest with yourself to realise the same.

  3. Nicely written dear K.
    Hey, sometimes opposites do work, so it isn’t that strange that you were together. It’s like the sky, the water and the earth are so different but without any of these elements the universe wouldn’t be complete. My friend put it very aptly for love “but no one said it was forever”. You meet people for a reason, and once the season or reason is over we have to move on, there is another beautiful season waiting for us to enjoy.
    Everything changes, the days, the seasons, our feelings, our bodies, our minds, we understand more as we grow (at least most do), why would we expect this to be forever.
    Love is like a seedling. It sprouts in the right environment and then needs continuous nurturing, else it dies. It just means that the environment was not suitable. The fact that it died does not change the fact that it lived for the period that it did. Hold on to the good memories and smile when you remember them.
    Yesterday another friend shared with me that to “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future, to fear less and love more and it’s not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
    Good for you to let go of the past, it’s time to go discover what the future holds!!!!

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