I used to think about you a lot. I used to wonder what it would be like if we hadn’t broken up. I wondered if we’d still be happy together or if we would’ve broken up somewhere in between anyway. Our relationship was a little strange. We weren’t ever right for each other. We both wanted such different things but we both thought it would still work. Well, that’s what I thought, at least. It’s amazing how much insight we can gain in just a few years. If only I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have wondered for so long. I wouldn’t have reminisced so often.
We were foolish. We both said “I love you”. Did you mean it? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. I’ve learned how to not let that haunt me. I’ve finally learned how to leave it all behind. I just had to realise that we made a mistake. Maybe it was never meant to last any longer. We had some good times when we were together and I’ve even learned how not to smile when I think of them. I’ve almost forgotten the bad times. But it doesn’t matter anymore whether I remember or not.
I am happy now so I don’t think about whether I would have been happy with you. It’s immaterial. I’m content with my life now so I don’t wonder whether you would have enriched it in any way. I don’t care enough to want to devote any time to thinking about it. I do all the things I like and I don’t wonder whether you would have liked that play too or loved this song too. I enjoy it and that’s enough for me.
I recently realised that I’ve now let go of all of you. You don’t have my affections anymore. I’ve taken back every single piece of my heart. None of it is held hostage by you and it’s whole again. I feel liberated and I couldn’t be happier.
P.S. I don’t love you anymore.