The first time you break up with someone you love it’s heart-wrenching. The pain reaches your gut, envelopes you and wracks your grieving soul. You feel like you have nothing to live for and sorrow consumes every thought in your over-active mind, racing to figure out what went wrong and how it could have been different. The wound appears to be too deep to heal. But it’s just the angle from which you’re looking at it. It takes too long, but it closes. The scars remain but you move on.
It happens again. You let someone in. You let yourself fly higher. It only makes the impending fall harder and the thud louder. You are right back in the first stages of a break-up. Your friends are sympathetic and shopping is your therapy…when you haven’t locked yourself away from the world, that is. Slowly, you teeter back to the real world on a new pair of heels.
Gradually, it seems to get easier. You don’t fly as high anymore and when you do your fall is broken by your newfound cynicism. You can predict your post-break-up pattern to a T. It has practically become a science to you. You know what to expect and how to deal with it.
You now know that when you lose someone, you will be unbelievably upset for a while. Your feelings for the other person will fade in and out as you analyse every little thing. You will imagine that you two were perfect together. You will imagine that you couldn’t love anyone better. You will think only of cons that damn him to the depths of hell and you will idolise him and place him on a pedestal. He will easily fall off it when you go back to the other list. Not necessarily in that order.
Retail therapy is still necessary but the damages aren’t as bad. You spend less, a little more prudently, on purchases that are a tad more sensible than they used to be. For instance, perhaps instead of buying 11 pairs of shoes in one day, you will buy two and find that satisfying. And instead of buying three handbags that same day, you will buy none. You will consider that quite an improvement, but only later, of course.
You will want him back while your heart is still reeling, but your mind will tell you that this feeling will pass. You haven’t receded into your little bomb-shelter this time and you didn’t need another shoulder to whine on. You know what is needed, you’re skilled at it. You go through the motions swiftly, handling each move deftly, knowing that it is necessary for all consummative purposes.
They say practice makes perfect. Yup, it does. Maybe next time you’ll even be able to speed up the process.