Deviation

Sometimes change is necessary. Sometimes you have to do what you never do and put your foot down. It may take time and it may not be easy, but it must be done, for your good, so that you like the person you see in the mirror. It’s important to refuse to do things you don’t enjoy one bit because otherwise it may lead to resentment. So we search for ourselves, for that perfect balance, for that state of contentment, satisfaction with our decisions, and no regrets.

But sometimes, usually when disillusioned, in the search to find ourselves we end up becoming an extreme version of our present selves. Opinions become stronger, viewpoints become too narrow or too wide leading us to accept each and every person or shun anyone who doesn’t agree with us. Little incidents that were once overlooked and forgotten are now analysed. People who were allowed to get away with murder are now confronted for their wrong, hurtful choice of words. It becomes a struggle to prove oneself by pushing against one’s own force of nature, by going against one’s own grain. It’s a struggle to be what one is not and can never be without internal dissonance. The unrest will cease upon acceptance.

Your own opinion of yourself matters. You can fight your nature all you want. You can be a different person if you want to be, if you try really hard, there’s no doubt about that and soon there it’ll be: You v2.0.1, new and improved. The question remains: Do you like this version of yourself?

 

3 thoughts on “Deviation

  1. Every change brings its own set of rights and wrongs – both in the way we begin to perceive the behavior or others, and in ours as well. More often than not, such changes are born of tumultuous times; times when there is always a strong possibility of losing direction momentarily. But each one of us is built on a foundation of principles that are inherently our own, and whatever changes do occur, generally do so keeping in line with such principles as there may be… even without our quite realizing it. I believe, then, that it is simply a matter of striking a balance of trust between our instincts, which are inherent, and our learning, which comes to us through experience. Because as long as we do that, we know where we stand, and also where we want to go from here. And if we do achieve this state of being, I should imagine that there would be no room for any qualms about the person who looks back at us from the mirror!

    • It took me some time to respond to you comment because I needed to fully digest its meaning; it really made me think.

      You’re right: It’s basically the core that remains constant, the core made up of our principles, values, instincts, and experiences. Sometimes we fail to keep in touch with that core. We forget what exists there and who we really are and force ourselves to change. I know that I tried so hard to be a tougher person that I almost couldn’t recognise myself anymore and it wasn’t in keeping with my principles because it did not make me feel good. I wasn’t proud of myself for being this new person. But when I came back to being myself, I was a different me, still a little changed, but completely at peace with it…I suppose I was finally coming close to, as you put it so well, striking that balance between inherent instinct and learned behaviours. It’s finding that balance which makes all the difference.

      Thank you for your invaluable perspective.

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